When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.


David Bissonette




After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.


Sacha Guitry





By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates




Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.


Anonymous




The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, 'What does a woman want?


Dumas



I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Sigmund Freud




'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'


Anonymous




'There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'

Sam Kinison




'I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'


James Holt McGavra



Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.


Patrick Murra



The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.....


Nash



You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Anonymous



My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.


Henny Youngman



A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.


Rodney Dangerfield



A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

Anonymous



First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'


Anonymous

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Good way to start a Friday! drag about it, it's all true, 28 years and counting!!

Opps, put this under ther wrong joke:

NAG, NAG, NAG…





An old country farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night she was always complaining about something.

The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again.

Complain, nag, complain, nag - it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head.

Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.

This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it. So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said, 'Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement.'

'And what about the men?' the minister asked.

'They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.'

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